I'm Back...

But, I have mixed feelings about it. For one thing, I'm happy to be home with my friends and family, have clean water, sanitary food, and modern conveniences like air conditioning and water pressure. However, I miss the people, the simplicity, the babies, and most of all, I miss the joy.

Haiti is poor. Many people live in make shift shacks, sleep in the dirt, fetch dirty water, and go days without food. Roads are unpaved and unregulated. Trash is burned on the side of the road and there is an unmistakable scent in the air.

Despite the severe poverty, Haiti is rich in culture, love, and joy. The people are genuine. Greetings involve big hugs and kisses on the cheek. Creole is spoken and sung, loudly and proudly. Car horns are used for road conversations. Community is everything. And the people count their blessings, rather than their wants.

While I was in Haiti, I had countless opportunities to experience the culture, the love, and the joy. So, my next few entries will briefly describe my work, lessons learned, and experiences day by day. So, let me take you back to June 16, 2015. The day I arrived in Haiti.

My plane boarded around 12 pm. As I sat in my seat, waiting for the rest of the passengers to board, I realized I was one of 3 white people on the plane, and as the flight continued, I realized I was one of 8 people who spoke English. I was clearly out of place. A man with his young daughter approached me and made sure I had someone picking me up at the airport. It was weird to me that a stranger cared about my safety.

When the plane landed, everyone stood up as we taxied to a spot on the tarmac. The pilot asked everyone to stay seated until we stopped, but no one listened. So, when in Haiti, do as the Haitian do. I stood up and pushed my way to the front just like everyone else. The airport was a small, blue building with a band playing music on the tarmac. Once inside, I was directed to the international line in customs, where I had to pay a $10 entrance fee. After paying the fee, I walked up to the customs man who checked my passport, took my customs form, and welcomed me to Haiti. After grabbing my luggage, I simply walked out of the airport without a baggage check or anything.

Exiting the airport was overwhelming. I had no idea who was picking me up. So, I walked out and stood in the exit looking lost. To my left stood about 50 taxi drivers yelling "do you need a taxi?" and "vini la". To my right stood about 15 men waiting to take my luggage for a $1 tip. I kept saying "no messi", but they kept asking to take my bag. So, I started ignoring them. Across the street stood hundreds of people smiling, laughing, talking, and watching people come off the only plane from America. I just stood in the exit. Looking. Waiting... After about 5 minutes, the head of airport security approached me and asked me if someone was picking me up. I said, "yes, but I don't know who", so he nodded and stood next to me until someone from COTP found me.

Soon enough, I was in the car on my way to COTP. As we drove through the streets of Cap Haitien, I was overwhelmed by the smells, the trash, the dirt, the noises, and the poverty. The buildings were old, run down, dirty, but colorful. Trucks were packed full of people wanting rides to the outskirts of town. After the town, we drove through sugar cane fields, past villages of people, and over small bridges. People were bathing in dirty water, sleeping in the dirt, and children were wandering the villages naked. What should have been a 15 minute drive was a 45 minute drive because of the unpaved roads. Finally, we arrived in Lagosette. A small village in Cap Haitien, where COTP is located.

The compound was quiet. All the kids were napping. I was guided up to my room in the volunteer house and given a quick tour. About an hour after I arrived the kids were outside, yelling, crying, laughing, screaming, and running around the compound. I went down to sit under the mango tree and take everything in. But, as soon as I sat down, 3 kids ran up to me and sat on my lap. They spoke to me in Creole and I would randomly choose when to say "Oui" or "no". I sat with them until their dinner time. When the kids left, I went back to the volunteer house, met the other volunteers, and sat on the porch until I went to bed.

The first day was overwhelming. There was so much to take in. And there still is. Little did I know, June 17, 2015 would be even more overwhelming and even sweeter.

From Miami to Haiti

Hey everyone! I am updating from my phone in the Miami airport, while waiting for my flight to board, so this is going to be a relatively short one.

My journey to Haiti started Sunday night. Friends and family prayed over me at my sisters grad party, making me cry tears of happiness, fear, peace, anxiety, and just about every other emotion one could experience. It was an emotional day for me.

Then, my friends had a surprise for me. A journal with 'open in Haiti' letters for me as I take this step of faith and travel to children of the promise by myself. Once again, making me cry. I am so incredibly blessed by these beautiful, God-fearing, loving, fearless group of women (and men). Thank you God!

I started packing at 9 pm the night before I left. With friends on my bed watching friends and our 6th grade video, reminiscing on our many adventures in life together, I was a stressed out messing asking my mom to help me pack cause I didn't know how to even begin. After she helped me get my things together, she told me to grab my passport from the safe. I was planning on waiting till the morning I left to grab it cause I thought I would lose it. When I went to open the safe it was locked, and we didn't have the combination. My dad tried to open it until 1 am to no avail. Scared of being unable to grab my passport, I was a mess. Then a friend told me that this was just another attack, a way of making me stress out and not trust God. I said prayers all night, fell asleep and the next morning my dad called a locksmith. The locksmith cancelled his morning appointment to open the safe for us. He unscrewed the locks and got it open exactly 45 minutes before I had to leave for the airport. Praise the Lord! God is so good!

Getting to the airport was an adventure as always. LAX is a mess. But after going to terminal 6 and having to book it to terminal 4, I was able to check my luggage, get through security, and get a water and salad before boarding my flight to Miami.

The plane ride was long, but we made it safely and 10 minutes ahead of schedule. I was able to get my luggage with in 15 minutes and find the hotel shuttle 30 minutes later after waiting to go down in an elevator that only went up (because we were already on the bottom floor... Oops) But I flagged down my shuttle, verified its destination, and had a cool conversation with the driver, since I was the only one on it.

I checked into my hotel, got a soup, got ready for bed, called my parents, and fell asleep after figuring out what time the shuttle would leave.

Today, I woke up, unwillingly might I add (those beds are soooo comfortable), got breakfast at the hotel, packed up my things, got on the shuttle ( by myself again), chatted with the driver, who then carried my checked back to the door of the American Airlines international check in after telling me he was doing it cause I was pretty (awww... Shucks), I got in the right line, checked my bag, proceeded to get in the wrong security lines twice, before finding the right one, made it to my terminal with a tea, got a stranger to take my picture (awkward) which is on Facebook and Instagram, talked with my mom, and updated this blog:).

I am currently nervous, excited, peaceful, ready, scared, but confident in His unfailing love, His incomprehensible power, and His plans for me and this trip. Prayers are needed and appreciated! I love you all!

I will try to update in Haiti, but I'm not sure if I can. Otherwise, text or call my mom for information about my trip as I will be emailing her with updates!

Keep praying! And live fearless!

Fearlessly His,
           Madi

Learning to Abide in His Love

Learning to Abide in His Love

It has been a rough past couple of months. My weakness have been exposed, lies have been used against me, and the worst part is, in these moments I couldn't see the truth of His promises. The only word I can use to even remotely describe the place I was in is dark. An inexplainable darkness.

It is the scariest place I have ever been.

When I finally got the courage to talk about it, someone very dear to me pointed out that I was a target in spiritual warfare. I wasn't crazy, I was being attacked. That was the point that I realized the magnitude of what I am about to do. I'm about to go to a dark place to be a light and share God's love and Power. Satan doesn't want me going to Haiti to love on those kids, nannies, missionaries, and community. So, he finds my insecurities, my weaknesses, and he uses them against me. And

 I was allowing myself to fall for his lies.

Unsure of how to combat the darkness, I was guided to the book of John chapter 14. I started reading and underlining verses that applied directly to the problem I was facing. Like verse 17 which reads, "even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you". The first lie I fell for was immediately discredited. I am not alone. And verse 27, "Peace I leave with you: my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid". I have nothing to fear. 

Then I read John 15 and 16. "Abide in my love... these things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full" John 15:9 and 11. That joy I had been longing for was waiting for me. All I have to do is abide in His love. So, I will Abide in His love.  John 16:33, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world". Be Fearless in Him. I have nothing to fear because I am in God and God is in me, and He has already overcome my greatest fears, worries, difficulties, and hardships.

As I was studying these verses, marking my Bible, reading aloud, and praying relentlessly, my daily devotional shared similar themes.// I am with you // Clothe your mind in Me // Nothing, including the brightest blessings and the darkest trials, can separate you from Me// In this devotional I found my daily prayer. Holy Spirit, control my thoughts.  

Almost as suddenly as I was attacked, I found the way to combat it. With God. I no longer feel alone, when I'm afraid I'm reminded that my God, who lives in me and fights for me, has already overcome my fear. And everyday, I'm learning to abide in His love. His love that is so much greater than any lie this world tells me. His love that overpowers all my fears and insecurities. His love that keeps me going every single day.

As I continue to prepare to go to Haiti, I am continually attacked. But at the same time, I am continually reminded of how powerful my God is. He loves me, He cares for me, and He fights for me. In an email I received from an amazing, loving, God-fearing woman and mentor of mine, I was encouraged to continue to own my faith. By going to Haiti, I am owning my faith. By willingly going to dark places, spiritual warfare is inevitable. But as one of my best friends reminded me last night, God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.

So, I ask each one of you to join me in prayer. Prayer that I might continue to grow stronger in my faith amidst the attacks. And prayer for protection, strength, and encouragement. Thank you for the prayers and support. In each struggle, I am reminded of just how blessed I am to have both God and friends who fight for me and with me.

Spiritual warfare is BIG.  But God is so much BIGGER.


Fearlessly His,
       
                   Madi

Haiti 2015: Letter

 For the last 6 years, I have felt a calling to go, to serve, to learn outside of my comfort zone- specifically, to go, to serve, to learn in Haiti. After years of prayer for guidance, courage, and opportunities, I have been blessed with the opportunity to go to Haiti from June 15^th-25^th. Although this is a very short time, I’m excited to see what God has planned for me, how he is going to use me, and how much I am going to learn.

   
I will be volunteering with an organization called Children of the Promise, located in Cap-Haitian, Haiti. Children of the Promise (COTP) is a Christ-centered organization that aims to provide a healthy, Christ-centered home for every Haitian child. Not only is COTP a home for orphaned children, but COTP also carries out international and domestic adoptions, prenatal programs for expectant mothers, and nutrition programs for sick and malnourished children. So, COTP not only works with orphaned children, but also with Haitian families to the provide care and support needed for a healthy, Christ-centered home. To learn more about COTP you can see videos, pictures, and stories at http://childrenofthepromise.org/. 

           
While in Haiti, I will be assisting the long term staff in taking care of the babies and young children, and serving in any other ways COTP needs.

           
Unlike other mission trips organized through churches and big organizations, I have planned and organized this trip on my own, through constant communication with the COTP volunteer director. I will be traveling to Haiti by myself, where I will be meeting up with other volunteers.

I am beyond excited for this amazing opportunity to go, to serve, and to learn from the people of Haiti. I knew that I was supposed to go to Haiti 7 years ago, when I met a little boy and a little girl from Haiti. They were orphaned when they were babies, but God blessed them with a new family and a new life, through adoption. Ever since then, I have had a passion to help orphaned children find a new family. For this reason, I am considering a career in the adoption field, specifically international adoption. I have no idea what role I want to play in the process, but I do know that God has placed this passion on my heart for a reason; I just have to figure out what I am supposed to do with it. I’m hoping and praying that during this trip, God might point me in the right direction or give me a better idea of what I am supposed to do with my future.

           
I ask for prayers as I prepare myself for this adventure. I ask that you partner in prayer with me over the preparation, organization, travel, health, the time spent in Haiti, and the return home. I also ask for prayers over the Haitian community, COTP, the children, the families, and other volunteers I will be working with during my trip. That God prepares our hearts and our minds for what’s going to happen before, during, and after my time spent in Haiti.

         
Finally, I ask for prayers over the finances of this trip. To go on a trip like this, it costs a lot of money. This particular trip costs about $1,500. Although this is a lot of money, I trust God will provide the finances. Someone once told me, “God’s Will, God’s Bill”, to remind me that if God wants me to go, God will provide the means. And I firmly believe He is calling me to Haiti.

       
If you feel lead and would like to donate to my trip you can do so in multiple ways: which I will post as a separate post.        

     
Thank you for all the support, through prayers, encouragement, and finances. I know God has great plans for this trip, and I can’t wait to experience Haiti and COTP.

            

Live Fearless. Love Fearless. Be Fearless. 

Sounds ironic coming from me, right? Those of you who know me, know that I'm afraid of a lot of things-- Spiders, caterpillars, heights, the dark, fireworks... the list goes on. I worry about little things and I think too much about everything. And for the longest times, I let my worries and fears control me. 

But not anymore.

A few years ago, God put me on the spot and forced me to conquer one of my fears. And now, it's one of my favorite parts of life. Not too long after that, God took away my greatest comfort, leaving me broken, exposed, angry, and terrified. I was then, and still am, forced to face all my fears without something to hide behind. No excuses, no barriers, no back up plan- just me, facing my greatest fear- that I can't. But from that realization, I found my greatest comfort---

 I can't, but God can. 

That's when I decided to start facing my fears. No, I didn't go pick up a spider, touch a caterpillar, stand on a roof, turn off all the lights, or set off fireworks. But I did begin seizing opportunities. I stopped avoiding the things that scare me and started doing what I love, despite my fears. I chose to believe the words of Philippians 4:13 and trust the God who knows me, better than I know myself.

You see, to me, being fearless doesn't mean you aren't afraid of anything. It doesn't mean I never worry or that I don't "over think" things. Fearless isn't a trait you are born with, fearless is a choice. Living Fearless is choosing to do what scares you, believing that through God, you can. Loving Fearless is choosing to share your heart, despite the uncertainty. Being fearless is choosing to give up control and finding peace in the mystery. I still struggle with fears and worries. I don't choose to be fearless, all the time. But I want to. And I'm going to. 

This summer I am going to Haiti for 10 days. I'm traveling alone to serve and to learn at Children of the Promise in Cap Haitien, Haiti. I am nervous and a little scared to travel out of the country for the first time to a 3rd world country by myself, but I'm also really excited. I may be bad with directions, unable to speak the language, and have no idea what to what to expect, but I know that I'm not alone. I know God will be with me every step of the way, loving me, holding me, helping me, working through me, and teaching me. I'm excited to experience Haiti and COTP, to meet new people, and to see how God is working in Haiti. This is one way I'm choosing to...

Live Fearless. Love Fearless. Be Fearless. 

Follow my blog for more updates and information about what I'm learning and where my heart is, on my journey leading up to, during, and after my trip to Haiti.